I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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