You're my little dorito
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
