I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
