All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
