is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
