god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
