I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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