I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
that may or may not have been my penis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
