she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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