the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize