i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
