bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im holly from the hills drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
