yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
