shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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