When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
