Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize