im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
