i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
