You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
