I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
