we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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