i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
