i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
