I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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