normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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