I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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