but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
