In the future we'll all be gay
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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