i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
