my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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