fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
