3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
