wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she peed on how many people?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
