uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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