The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
