so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
