she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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