No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
