literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
