I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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