the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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