So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
