She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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