Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize