We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
