Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
