It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
