You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize