i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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