i love accidental penises.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
