Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize
