Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
