Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You took a bar mat shot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize