Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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