that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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