I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
