WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize