Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
