oh fat girl friday strikes again...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
