ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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