Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize