I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
