The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
