So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
