At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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