how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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