what day is it and did you see me today?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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