you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
