all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
