this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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